I seriously just hate this house so much.
All I wanna do is sit in my room and do nothing but sleep or go on the computer. I’m really starting to resent my family. It’s like everything they do or say bothers me. I feel like all they do is talk about people or judge people, which I hate. When I got home today, I’m not even in the house five minutes and I’m listening to my sister talk about this girl she saw at her friend’s wedding. And this is seriously THE NICEST GIRL EVER (I would know because she lived with us for a year) and all my sister did was say bad things about her; how she’s stuck up and snobby. And of course my mother just chimes in and laughs and whatnot. It makes me sick. I can’t even stand to be in the same room with these people anymore. I used to feel like my sister was the only one who understood me but now all she does is aggravate me. My father is the only one who’s still somewhat sane, but he’s never around that much anymore and if he is, he’s usually fighting with my mother. Great. Any time I have a conversation with him it’s either about court dates, or this fuckin custody battle, or where he’s gunna live, or how unfair all of this is to him. Excuse me but it’s unfair to all of us, even my mother who started it all. He wants to take me and my sister out for dinner tomorrow. Sounds great right? No, he only wants to take us out to have a “family discussion” which is basically gunna be him complaining about how unfair his life is. And I’m just gunna be sitting in silence the entire time wanting to be anywhere else but there. Anytime I try to explain how I’m feeling to any of these people, all they do is turn it around and say how hard it is for them. I know its hard for you but DO YOU HAVE FUCKIN PARENTS THAT FIGHT 24/7 THAT HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 20+ YEARS SUDDENLY WANTING TO GET DIVORCED AND FUCKIN HATE EACHOTHERS GUTS AND WANT TO TEAR EACHOTHER APART IN COURT? NO. DO YOU HAVE TO SEE YOUR FAMILY BEING TORN APART RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES AND YOU CAN DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT IT? I JUST WANT THIS ALL TO END. I FEEL LIKE I DONT BELONG ANYWHERE ANYMORE. NOT IN THIS HOUSE. NOT AT SCHOOL. NOT EVEN MY FREAKIN CHURCH. NOT MY JOB. THE ONLY THING I HAVE ANYMORE ARE MY FRIENDS. ALL I WANNA DO IS BE ALONE OR WITH MY FRIENDS. I cannot take this crap anymore. I just want it to end. I want it all to end. I hate practically my entire life and I hate myself even more for not having control over it.